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Subject:[Flame] Immortals
Author:Manw
Date:Fri Jul 9 15:06:17 1999
Id:46

[from rec.games.mud.admin, "imping vs real life" thread]

** THE SAVIOR

 Description:
  God's gift to the intermud community. He knows more than you do.
 Go ahead, ask him. He's absolutely convinced that without his divine
 guidance, you're going under in three weeks.

 Identifying traits:
  Lack of technical skills. Invulnerability to correction or reality.
 Can develop into the 'Technical Idiot' (see below) given access to
 any documentation or a copy of "Secrets of the MUD Wizards."

 Good news:
  He's got a lot of energy.

 Bad news:
  So do eels.

 Your problem because:
  Somewhere down the line, he's going to change all text in the game
 to white-on-white ANSI because it "looks better on ZMUD."

** THE TECHNICAL THUG

 Description:
  This breed of wizard cannot distinguish between game development and
 development for the sake of making changes. Wants to be George when he
 grows up. Dreams in JAVA or Bourne shell language. Can't understand
 why people who can't edit are allowed into the game.

 Identifying Traits:
  Writes his own object library inside of yours, complete with PERL
 interpreter, because it's "kewler". Refuses to edit on-site,
 preferring to use emacs or vi because, to them, ".~Q!" is completely
 intuitive. Will continually whine for access to /std, /adm, and /bin
 immediately upon promotion.

 Good news:
  He can do anything.

 Bad news:
  He will.

 Your problem because:
  He's going to increase system throughput by 12% by eliminating combat,
 emotions, monsters, and all player accounts.

** THE TECHNICAL IDIOT

 Description:
  There's nothing the Technical Idiot can't do. After all, how hard can
 this be? I'll just copy this over, change a couple of things... Bet I
 can guess what most of these function calls do. Oops. ^D^Z^C (open-apple Q)

 Identifying Traits:
  Is almost right when they guess at how something works. Mostly. Can't
 be dissuaded from the bit they're wrong about. Strong tendency to call
 functions, use efuns, commands, or directives without bothering to look
 up the man page/doc or knowing what it really does. Will blame the
 object templates when their methods fail or explode.

 Good News:
  Willing to try new things.

 Bad News:
  They're going to play with 'rm' sooner or later.

 Your problem because:
  They'll eventually do a heart_beat() { call_out("heart_beat",0); } and
 get you all killed.

** THE BOOKWORM

 Description:
  Technically competent, the Bookworm has never really had an original
 idea, and probably never will. They've decided that GAMMA WORLD or
 CAR WARS is the one, true game mechanic, and by God, it's going to
 be this way or no way at all. This species seems to be exclusively
 limited to the wizard or builder classes.

 Identifying Traits:
  Owns every 1st edition AD&D manual ever made, in those little plastic
 bags. Complains loudly that the game should use a GURPS damage counter.
 Demands that players use a THAC0 value. You get the idea.

 Good News:
  Expands their area.

 Bad News:
  Only when TSR does.

 Your problem because:
  Gary Gygax has no sense of humor and a lawyer.

** THE KID

 Description:
  Spends a lot of time in homeroom or skipping classes to MUD. Usually
 13-15 years old and male, which means if you don't have a language
 rule and a bottle of extra-strength tylenol, you're going to need them.
 Propositions anything that even pretends to be female. This can be
 hard on your NPC pets.

 Identifying Traits:
  Scads of free time. Posts the locations of 17 warez sites in their
 plan file. Short attention span. Inability to use grammar or punctuation.
 Will lie about their age, but we can all tell.

 Good News:
  His parents are eventually going to yank his AOL account when he fails
 Civics.

 Bad News:
  All of his friends now know your MUD's address. And they're just like
 him.

 Your problem because:
  You'll eventually catch him calling add_exp() in his latest "girlfriend"
 and have to put him down.

** THE RANDITE

 Description:
  May or may not be technically literate. Descriptions tend to be sparse
 or stilted. Really, REALLY wants access to the game library. Tends to
 quote "The Fountainhead" or "Atlas Shrugged" a lot.

 Identifying Traits:
  Has some "interesting" ideas about ownership and responsibility. This
 species has perfect balance and can reverse their position without
 becoming nauseous or acknowledging the reversal at all. Will frequently
 make off with large portions of anything they can access, claiming that
 it's theirs because they can see it and they wanted it. Will complain
 loudly if it's ever done to them.

 Good News:
  Very interested in the game.

 Bad News:
  That interest is solely limited to what they can wring out of it.

 Your problem because:
  It's going to be a rude surprise when you see "MyMUD 2: The Version
 that doesn't suck." spring up on MudConnector.

** The Princess

 Description:
  Can be either male or female, the Princess wants everything. Now.
 Hard to distinguish from the Randite at first (same basic worldview)
 but can't use cp or the FTP deamon effectively. And besides, if they
 took something off, you wouldn't be able to fix it for them, would you?

 Identifying Traits:
  Whines that they want an administrative position. Whines because
 promotion takes so long. Whines because the moon is in the seventh
 house. Can't grasp the concept of "no" or having to earn something.

 Good News:
  Will simply drift off sooner or later if left on his own.

 Bad news:
  In the meantime, you have to sit and listen.

 Your problem because:
  Will come back six months after dropping out and demand their
 old job back. When that doesn't happen, will write unflattering
 reviews to alt.mud and rec.arts.mud and....

** THE BUDDY

 Description:
  Nondescript. May or may not actually do anything. This species is
 self-replicating, named because they were promoted because they were
 someone's buddy. Will eventually keep the cycle going by promoting one
 of *their* buddies, and so on. 70% of the time, the Buddy will evolve
 into the Technical Idiot or the Kid. Morphs into the Princess if cut
 off from their sponsor (10%). The remaining 20% go on to live useful
 lives.

 Identifying Traits:
  Idle times in excess of three hours. Gosh their workrooms look an
 awful lot like <insert name here>'s. Only speak to sponsors or other
 Buddies on channels.

 Good News:
  Makes the manpower count look impressive.

 Bad News:
  Loyalty rests solely you-know-where.

 Your problem because:
  The Grandmaster of Buddies will eventually make some demand that he
 either wants met or he and his 'downline' buddies will leave. The
 challenge is to pretend that you sincerely care while laughing.

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