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Subject:Why I likes orcs
Date:Sat Jul 5 21:14:46 1997

Hiya orcies! Me Spammer, nice big trollie friend from down
south. Spammer has always liked orcies. Sometimes they give
Spammer nice big metal thingies to hit nasty elves with. And
even better, sometimes they give Spammer nice yummy corpses.
Mmmm! And all they asks us trollies to do in return is to
leave their furry warg-pets alone, and to lets them hang out
with us in our warrens place.

But I'm sure you orcies are wondering now, 'Why is this big,
smelly trollie hanging around our caves?' Well, Spammer's
answer to that question is very long, but we tries to explain.

See, one day, we was in a bad mood after some nastystinky elfs
and dwarfses and hobbitses got away from Spammer. Oooh we hates
those elfs! Anyways, we was walking back to our little hole where
we sleeps when we not whacking whitie-pukes, and we sees this big
strong olog trollie standing right on the stairway under Spammer's
watchtower, right where he always is. We has always been disgusted
by this trollie, and his other younger olog best-buddy. Always
sulking inside warrens while Spammer is out whacking elfs and stuff.
'Whats a waste you is!' we tells him (since we's already in a bad mood)
and we gets to yelling at each other and calling each other names.
Finally, we just decides to whack his sorry smelly butt. He turns
out to be a toughie, but we manages to get the upper hand after a
while. But right as Spammer was about to finish him off for good,
dis little pipsqueak troll comes along and whack his head dead right
in front of us. 'Why dids we do that?' we asks him, but he just turns
around and walks away. Now normally we wouldnt be so angry, but we was
already having a bad day, and now this little wimpy snottroll walks
right up and takes Spammer's hard-won kill. So we walks up to him and
teaches him a lesson with our fists. Now we didnt think a little snot
like him would have any friends, but we found out that most of the
trollies in the warrens felt they needed to get involved, especially
when the snot whined to them all. Spammer guesses they all like it when
he takes their kills.

So the pipsqueak gets a big group of trollies together and tries to go
after me. Now Spammer isn't too smart, but we knows our warrens real
good. So pipsqueak cant find us if his worthless life depended on it.
But we knows we cant hide forever, so, with a tear in our eye, we decides
to leave our warrens forever. We sets out through the forest outside,
hiding from the real dumb but mean forest trollies up there.

Now we walked for a long time, but soon we realised we didnt know where
we was going. We thinks for a long time, and then we remember our orcie
friends. Spammer asked one of them once where they lived, and he said
up some river (we forgets the name) in the mountains. So we looks around
and sees some mountains, and decides to start walking towards them. After
some time, we comes to a big river, and we swim across it (Spammer swims
real good!). While we are swimming, we suddenly realizes that maybe this
is the river that orcie was talking about. So when we gets to the other side,
we sets off about following the big river. We does this for some time, hiding
from the white face during the day in a forest nearby. One night we comes
across a smelly hole in the ground, and decides to look inside. We were
surprised to find a bunch of trollies in there! WWe soon found out though,
that these were the REALLY dumb kind of trolls, so dumb that they only eat
dirt and tree roots. Somewhere though, these trollies and found a bunch of
shiny metal stuff, and decided to wear it since it looked so pretty. We
thought about this for some time, since it seemed to us that there was
something we could do here. Then we realised that we were going to visit
out orcie friends, and might want to stay there. We thought the orcies
might not like this, since we knows we dont smell too good. So we thought,
'Maybe these orcies will likes us better if we brings them some of this nice
metal stuff for them to protect their soft hides.' So we makes quick work
of these dumb trollies, who are too dumb to even help eachother out while I
pound their ugly heads into the ground.

When we finished off the whole gang, we put all the nice metal thingies
we had found into a big pile. Since whiteface was still up, we munched on
a corpse while waiting for night time. When he was gone from the sky, we
started to climb out of the hole, and almost forgot the pile of metal thingies!
Silly Spammer! We picked up the big pile in our arms, and set off up the
river again.

To be continued...

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